Ta da!

I would like to, officially, welcome you as a part of the Soluna Institute and Foundation – - speaking on behalf of my fellow directors, Sheri Jenkinson and Steve Lopez, as well!!  [www.solunainstitute.org]

The name is a great one, if I do say so myself.  It has ’sol’, the masculine word for sun, and ‘luna’, the feminine word for moon as a part of it.  We can’t just be about women.  We have to create and sustain gender diversity in leadership.  In other words, we are not a women’s organization, we are here for both genders to move forward together.  The next step beyond a women’s initiative. [all of the women's groups for networking, coaching, etc, are doing a wonderful job, so we opted to be of service to them, rather than in competition with them]

Diversity brings better answers.  more profit.  more talent to choose from.

The fact is, though, that even when we attain the balance we crave, we will still have a ‘gap’ that needs to be managed.  Gender is the only one of the major diversity issues that won’t go away with equality.  We will always be a bit different.  Yes, we will come closer in our thinking, and we will agree the business practices, but we will still be different, physically and emotionally.  But aren’t all human beings different?  So, yes, our work will help the culture of work for everyone.

[Gender diversity for world peace!!?   Yeah, well, not so crazy, huh.]

Another thing we did was to create our business as a non-profit Institute and a Foundation.  It should be a ‘good thing’ to give your money to us, whether you are an individual or a corporation.  We want it to be.  This is the kind of research, education and sharing of best practices that will change the planet in some way, literally.  When you donate money through our foundation, we will fund projects that will put women in leadership with men [studies show that, with women in leadership, communities will prosper, plus the economy will expand, which we could really use right now] and we will take any excess funds to support women who make sustainable economic change, with men, anywhere in the world [we wanted to help, too, so we don't mind not making a profit]

But, that’s not all.  In my for-profit businesses, set up within the Teagarden Group to measure and influence corporate culture, I follow the ‘good returns model’ that my friend Salah Boukadoum developed.  He designed a model encouraging businesses to give 100% of their profits to do good on the planet before the money comes back to the shareholders for distribution.  I will lend my profits to be used profitably at the Soluna Institute – - increasing our reach quicker.

[Contact me to find out how you might look into this model for your business, toward many different kinds of charitable institutions.]

So, where will we start?  Two places.  Though we really want you, our donor-members to create our agenda, we have identified a couple of very impactful first steps.

1)  We want to take this discussion to a bigger place.  I like that we can have a conversation that sits outside any workplace – - about work [and life].  We will use our first donations to market and build this blog, into what I call the ‘Huffington Post’ of closing the gender gap.  Calling more authors, women and men!! I can imagine several blog columns – a men’s conversation about gender diversity, a place to feature businesses that are well on their way to achieving gender diversity – a coach’s corner to gather mentoring for you from all the places it exists – and all kinds of wonderful additions.  A living document of what we feel like, what’s happening in the world for us and what else we need to do to get us leading companies and more.

and

2)  We will create a ‘Council of Corporate Gender Diversity Initiatives’.  Every major company has one.  What are they doing?  Will their successes work elsewhere?  Can we share best practices, support each other and make every Initiative work better for all of us being a part of it?  I envision companies sending their Initiative director, or their CEO(!), to become a member of our council and raise the bar for everyone.  Go to www.solunainstitute.org and ‘contact us’ for more information.  We already have interested parties waiting for their invitation.  Join them with your company’s ideas!

From there, it’s up to our members, our donors, our partners and our affiliates.  We don’t want to drive you where you don’t want to go.

Soluna should be a place that isn’t competitive with anything that is working in the world for women, a place where conversations can happen without bias and a place that is as much for the individual as it is for the corporations.  A place where we work together to discover ‘how’ we can get us there.

Are you with us?  Send everyone you know to join us in our conversation here or at our Soluna Institute site.

Ladies [and Gentlemen],
What would you do, if the Soluna Institute was yours, to ‘tip’ the movement of women into leadership with men?  because, in fact, Soluna is yours.

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No one does anything alone.  Right?

Well, I know I didn’t.  In starting this blog, and now this company, I ran across the most amazing individuals who are smart and sweet and willing to help. They each, tirelessly, gave me the gift of their talent. [and, by tirelessly, I mean that I've spent many very, very late hours, speaking to these people about you, when they could have been sleeping!]

As I toyed with the idea of ‘helping women in the workplace’ somehow, I sat with the most amazingly elegant and worldly woman I have ever met to dream about what this could be.  Christa Dowling, former Editor-in-chief of Conde Nast/Vogue in Germany, has written a book called “The Unkept Promise”, a Woman’s Journey.  She is an example to me, a mentor and a friend.  I credit Christa for giving me the energy to begin this blog.  She had me to breakfast at her home, on the most beautiful china I’ve ever seen, and she said, when I was finished, “Pamela, why not?”  I thought, I don’t know.  So, I did.

First, I asked Trevor Hill, of Genesis Media Corp, www.genesismediacorp.com, to create a blog for me.  He quoted me this ungodly low, friends-and-family-only-amount, to do the project, and I, with all the naivety in the world, built the biggest blog he had ever seen.  I kept calling and saying things like, “Could I do something like this?” or “Is there a way to do that?”  And, he said, yes!  The blog was built so far over the scope that he originally imagined that I wired him more money on Xmas Eve because I felt like Scrooge, working him like I did.  He did me so many favors, and I wanted to ensure that the people he paid were not an additional sacrifice on his part!

Relationships matter.  My friend Geof Bowie, founder of a business created to support Mac Computers in business, www.thinkfixed.com,  is another one of those people who knows that relating to others in barter-and-trade is a kind of currency.  It feels like he and I are a part of every business that the other one is in.  I helped him with his staffing and he helped me with my IT stuff.  Emails and domain hosting were done with seemingly no effort at all.  My friends feel like family.  My business feels like a giant holiday dinner table, and the gifts are treasures.

After a bit of success in the blog, I knew we were on to something.  I sat for two days at this lovely little bungalow outside Portland, Oregon, with Laurie Drew.  She is a master of learning design and really understands blogs [see hers at www.trainersblog.com].  She was the first person I had a conversation with about what was possible in a mix of high tech and high touch, when it comes to taking your message forward from this blog.  I was completely energized, and promised myself I would never eat pulled taffy, again. [I ate a whole bag of the homemade confections that I had gotten to bring to my nieces.  Don't worry, Auntie Pam bought more at the airport.]

While I started working on the Corpus Operis project, www.corpusoperis.com, about the new paradigm of work, I kept bringing up the gender diversity issue.  My partner, John Chaisson, had a fabulous idea for an event that I could have with you [maybe just to shut me up, but it worked].  It’s in the works, and I will keep it a surprise, for now.

In the time between my dad’s death and today, I told you I was struggling.  I couldn’t get my head wrapped around a sequence of activities that would need to take place to get this business going.  I wanted to help individual women, create curriculum for Universities on the subject, relate the learning from your blog discussions to my regular corporate culture business and give to charities that help women, economically.  A lot.  This movement became the most important thing to me, and I knew it would be done.  I just wasn’t sure what for or how.

As luck would have it, I met Sheri Jenkinson, a gorgeous woman who is a bundle of energy in life.  Her goal was to create a foundation to help women make a better life for themselves.  Oh yeah, and she was the the Director of the Professional Development group, the Mentor Program and the CMO Roundtable the local chapter of the American Marketing Association!  All I had to do was tell her what was on my mind, and she jumped in with both feet.  Between the two of us, we created a model that would do the things that I wanted – to create and sustain gender diversity in leadership – and what she wanted – to support women, globally, in sustainable economic change.  The model is pretty amazing, as it associates the two together as one.  It’s new and different, and it’s fun.  We’ve had so many laughs creating this that I can’t call it work.

Then, it became time to put our money where our [loud and exuberant] mouths were.  We put our business plan into the State Comptroller’s office.  I will spell it all out for you when I can.  Andrew Jee, a lawyer at www.sumnerschick.com, created all the paperwork we needed out of the goodness of his heart.  If you need a lawyer to help you with your business, I most certainly recommend him.

As soon as the fax machine spit out the ‘ok sent’ page, I got on the phone with a favorite client, Steve Lopez, and I began to tell him how much I wanted him involved.  I believe his comment to me was, “You had me at ‘will you’, so the answer is yes”.  He is a global expert on people practices for companies of all sizes, and I love working with him, especially when our meetings are over margaritas.  [Liquid creativity!]  He signed on to be a Director, immediately.

It’s so important that we look to those in our corner for support and challenge.  When I have an idea or imagine something should be different at work, it just makes sense to gather together some people and get talking.  [This is the advice I have given many of the women that I have coached over the years that have felt 'alone' on the career ladder.]

So, first, thank your lucky stars that these amazing people said yes to me.  We are going to take your messages forward and make some things happen.  Then, pick up the phone and thank the people who you trust to support and challenge you at work. [or imagine who they might be, if you don't have your very own personal board of directors]

No one does anything alone, is right.

Ladies,
Who is helping you help yourself to success in your career [besides us!]?

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That is the question I’ve asked myself, for more than a decade, when it comes to women in leadership.

Why do we graduate from University in great numbers and not to the C-suite?
Why are more women the breadwinners in their family and yet there is a pay gap?
Why are we the driver as a consumer purchaser and yet not the leader of sales organizations?

I have been grappling with these questions [and tons more], in the last 15 years, in the process of measuring the culture inside organizations.  And, as of yet, no one can answer me… I mean really answer me.

Now, it seems that the world is as confused as I am.  This is why I wanted to build a business around the blog.  I just wasn’t sure what for.  What could I do that wasn’t being done?

There are things going on in the world that are good for our cause, and I don’t want to step on those toes. [is that the most, decidedly, female way to say that, or what?!  But, I am a female, and I think my statement makes sense. Ah, the journey.]

I know lots of networking groups for women, and I know a ton of people mentoring women to get ahead.  So, why would I do more of that as my primary objective?  Every company on the planet has a women’s initiative, so, no, not that.   While I was waiting for my epiphany, I started this conversation.  And you came!  Thousands of you in lots of countries.  That was so great!  Thank you.  I am so grateful for you.

And, now what?

So, I sat to think.  and thought some more.  and asked questions.  and asked more questions.  You have all taught me many things.

I joined every group that sent me an invitation, and I went to every luncheon thrown.  What fun!  How empowering.  But, what could I do to complement that?

Then, I got it!  No one was trying to speak from the corporate perspective, regarding the culture that would help us.  What is it that companies need to do, or be, to get us where we need to be.  I went to a meeting hosted by the Women in Foreign Policy in Washington DC, and I listened.  I heard from Beth Brooke about the World Economic Forum in Davos and how they had been looking into this problem since the millennium.

I read the Shriver Report from cover to cover.

I am working with 3 other people, in Berlin, to establish the tenants for a ’shift to a new paradigm in innovation and workforce’, which, surely, must include gender diversity in leadership. [www.corpusoperis.com]  Heck, I am one of those in charge, so it will.

So I got up.  No more thinking.   I started talking.  and talking.  and talking.  I have done 4 major keynote speeches on diversity, and what it can do for corporations.  People care.  Corporations want this, or at least they say they do.

Recently, I got a call to speak at the Global Summit on Women, in Beijing, this month.  My topic is “Managing Difficult Conversations at Work”.  As I did the research for this, I was reminded that many of the conversations are difficult because we have not created any of the norms in the current system of work.  [that was not new.  I knew that.]  And, that if we could figure out how to show some norms that would work for us, without bringing the corporate world to its knees, then we were onto something.

That’s it.  HOW!!  The question that I intend to answer, with you, but from a corporate perspective.  I know culture very well.  I measure it.  I know women pretty well.  I am one.  And, I have audiences around the world who will listen to me. telling them what you tell me.

So, I am creating the business around this blog to answer the most difficult-of-all-difficult questions at work.  [I am not doing it alone, of course.  No one does.  Some fabulous people are in on this with us!  I will fill you in next time]

How do we welcome women into leadership?  With a ‘new set of norms’, created by us – with men!  Let’s get started, ladies.  I will get this company set up and invite you to join me in many forums.  In the meantime, you can get a lot of people, women and men, to join us on this blog.  to join this new community to close the gender gap at work.

[Oh yeah, and if you have any insights on how you manage difficult conversations at work, I could use your input to my presentation in China.]

Ladies,
How can we manage the ‘difficult’ conversation of ‘how’ to get us into leadership?

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Could I have uncovered the secret to the impossible?  Work/Life Balance?!?

Who me?  An unmarried, childless, nomad of an entrepreneur?  This pinball-like feeling we all have between work and life is an endless roller-coaster of guilt, frustration and sadness.  Whether we have kids or not.  a hobby or not.  a spouse or not.  It’s a topic raised at every HR meeting and every dinner party on the planet.  And, it has been for years!

I felt it balance.  Or, should I say, I felt it go completely out-of-balance, by choice, and, surprise, surprise, the world did not end.  People understood.  I felt better – - I feel better.  My job is getting done, now, more impactfully – - precisely because of the ‘new normal’ I created, and communicated to others, in my wonderfully, perfectly out-of-balance work and life.

It was weird.  It’s true, you haven’t seen a blog post from me since my daddy died before the holidays.  I couldn’t do it,  Every time I sat down, I felt the blood drain from my body.  I had to not write a blog post to stay sane.  I was needed in my family.  I went there.

So, a part of my business was left undone, for a moment in time.  You noticed.  I noticed, too, though without guilt.  I received hundreds of emails and questions from you.  All of you asking how I was, and whether or not I intended to continue blogging.  Yes, was my answer, but not now.  You are all, really, so kind.

As a matter of fact, other things in my life went into this abyss of imbalance.  And, everyone understood.  It was really eery.  When someone asked me why a task was delayed [and, by the way, I was quite specific about which tasks, in fact, could be delayed], I answered.  When I said, “My father passed away, and I am spending time away from work”, people fell into a respectful [my interpretation] silence and took a step back.  literally.  a step back. [as if I was going to dissolve into tears immediately, which, sometimes, I did].

The result of this involuntary experiment was amazing.  I was able to unbalance my work and my life so that I felt more ‘whole’ as a person.  And, when it was time to post again, I knew I wanted something different.  deeper.  I knew, now, how important this blog really is to me.  I had to be away from it to really see it.  I felt like it was a gift, rather than a task.

Stepping away from it, for a moment, allowed me to realize what this project could be.  I wanted to take this discussion beyond the thousands of people in more than 10 countries; I wanted hundreds of thousands of people in hundreds of countries.  I wanted what you said to be done.  researched.  shared.  entered into new work processes at the corporate level. [that was always my wish, but, now I see it happening differently]

So, I sat down with a friend of mine [you'll know her soon], and we dreamed together.  She brought her perspective to something that I was too close to see, and we developed a business around this blog.  It had to be something different.  something feminine-ish, without isolating us from men.  it had to be global and outside of any one corporation’s walls.

I’ll tell you about the business later.  Next time.  I promise.  I will unveil it right.

My point is this.  I let my heart and my mind create a ‘new normal’ that served me as a person.  And, because I built my psyche up, in what I needed to do, I felt purposeful.  That shining example of my ‘new normal’ helped my business.  Now, my ‘newer normal’ includes a fired up passion for my old business in a new way.  And, I am more profitable than ever, in more ways that just money.

How often do we define a ‘new normal’ for ourselves in our regular attempt to balance work and life?  I think the reason I could ‘get away’ with this complete upheaval is that I am my own boss, or maybe because you don’t have as many deaths in your family as you do school carnivals or political campaigns.

Is it the way we’re paid, or the need to ‘be seen at our desk’, that is the reason we can’t be as flexible as we need to be for a purposeful transition from one normal to a new one?  Am I being silly?  Do we all already have this, and I can’t see it?  [I would have thought people would be happier...]

Your business would profit for having a fired up, passionate person like the ‘new you’ taking on tasks in a new way.  You would feel like you were in charge of your life.  And, with proper communication and collaboration, everyone could have these kinds of choices.

Do you really believe you have this?  If not, why not?  And, what’s standing in your way?

Ladies,
Is there a ‘new normal’ for our ‘corporate norms’ that you can imagine for a more purposeful integration of work and life?

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I lost my daddy yesterday.

Btw, I am allowed this term, even though I am 43, because I am from the South and because I say so.  I miss him more than words can express. This post, however, is not going to be about how profoundly sad this whole experience is [but, I assure you, I have dissolved into tears, twice already.  And there is more to come].

It’s to say that I lost the person in the world who said ‘Yes’ to me.

I remember when I was 10, and I asked if we could buy the house next door [which was not for sale] and make it into a 2-story playroom.  I had even drawn up plans.  There would have been a soda fountain, I was sure of that.  He said ‘yes’.  I don’t remember being upset with him that we didn’t buy it, though, because I sincerely believed he wanted to.  We were both sad that this project didn’t turn out.  I learned to be creative and innovative, and I tell the longer version of that story in several of my keynote addresses on Innovation.

He also said ‘yes’ when he shouldn’t have.  The BMW I got, while still in high school, was trashed by college, and the high school graduation party idea, that included an empty warehouse to hold thousands of people, was busted by the police [though we were just sent home before we could enjoy all of the things that our hard earned money could buy].  I learned consequences.

The best part was, he said ‘yes’ to everything I did in my career.  He thought it was great when I decided I didn’t want to be an accountant or a banker as he supported me in an early career change to psychology.  Instead of preaching to me about the waste of money in my Accounting and Finance undergraduate degrees, he assured me that I would never lose that ‘business side’ in everything I do.  He was right.  When I am praised as a good coach or consultant, it is precisely because I can see the business drivers in all that I do.

I have had two major failures in my trek to be an entrepreneur, and he said ‘Yes, you needed this’ to understand what success is and when you are off the path.  He also said that the lessons he learned were the same, but from different circumstances.  His advice was both in what to do and what not to do, and I saw it in both words and actions.

When I told him that I was moving to Russia, as a single female, in the early 90’s, he said ‘yes’.  Of course, when I called home to say that I was in a Russian jail for visa violations or that I was in urgent danger in a remote village in Africa, his first word was not ‘yes’.  He said “Let me get your mother”, and, together, they phoned the State Department to get me out.  Hmmm.  Not exactly a ‘yes’, but still supportive.

He was not surprised by my promotions or any successes – - he was simply happy and told me that he believed in me. He assumed that I could do anything I put my mind to.  He told me that I would ‘figure it out’ when it came to balance, and he completely believed I would.  He was always proud, whether I felt I deserved it or not.  He loved this blog, and he forwarded my posts on regularly, mostly to people that were probably not interested, but I don’t care.

I learned a lot from my daddy, though I know that any success I have comes from me.  His support and advice were helpful, and he offered this without me feeling dependent on him.

And, my mother?  She is a wonderful woman who didn’t work outside the house.  My mom teaches me many things about life and about leadership, too, but my daddy was my example of the workplace.

So, I’d like to ask.  Since the boardrooms are run, primarily, by men.  Since the leadership in business is performed, statistically, by men.  And, since the culture of business was, originally, created by men.  Aren’t a lot of these men daddies, themselves?

I wonder if more men thought of their daughters and believed that the bright, young women in their organizations were other people’s daughters, if they would support and challenge them to be what their mothers could not be [for most of them]?

I don’t mean in a patronizing way.  I don’t even mean in a parental way.

I simply mean that there are a lot of dads out there with daughters in the working world.  If they could have as much pride and as much belief in daughters everywhere, we might be mentored better.

I know a lot of dads that believe their daughters can do anything.  And, let me tell you, we all can.

Just a thought.  From my daddy and me.

Ladies,
If working men wanted success for all women as they do for their own daughters, could we get further down the path toward leadership?

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Does our ‘white knight’ have to fall on his sword to allow us to thrive in the workplace?

I am in NYC for a while, and, today, a guy got up on the subway and offered me his seat.  I was getting off at the next station, so I declined the offer after thanking him.

I am choosing to categorize this as a nice, chivalrous gesture.  I was not wearing one of those shapeless blouses that pleat in all the wrong places, leaving everyone wondering when my baby might be due.  I am also not that old.  He, in fact, looked about my age, give or take 5 years either direction.

So, how nice was that?!  It made my day.

I don’t, typically, stand up and offer my seat to guys [like him, anyway].  Though, I do hold doors open, ask ‘what floor’ on the elevator and offer to pay for my share of the drinks.  I believe I have manners.  I try to treat every person I see with compassion.  So, I am hoping that the measure of chivalry is the attitude and intent and not the particular actions.  And, by the way, is it even chivalry when a woman treats people like that?  I don’t remember too many women sitting at that round table dressed in metal…

And, what does this mean to us in the workplace?  Can we have our knight and fight battles, too?  Does this undermine our equality (if that is, in fact, the right word for what we are trying to achieve)?

Chivalry is a fabulous part of our ‘mating rituals’.  Whether it is right or not, every group of single women [in every country I have ever lived in or visited my friends in], while lamenting the lack of good men, goes straight to a discussion of chivalry.

It’s a little less confusing in the workplace than it used to be.  Now that we have relaxed our over-the-top sensitivity about things like opening doors, dress codes and keys to the executive washrooms [of course, we aren't done in these categories, but I think we've relaxed a bit...], we can weather the storms in our path.

It’s the, shall I say, work/life balance of chivalry that seems to get us.  And, it can’t be less confusing for guys.  I had a conversation with a male friend about this, and he suggests that he feels really good when has the opportunity to be chivalrous.  He looks for ways to show respect to women, and he is only confused that we are confused. [And, thank you, Marcos, for having the discussion on chivalry very chivalrously!!]

Confusing?  Chivalry is not just a show of respect, it is also a form of flirtation, in many ways.  And, we can’t do anything about that.  Yes, we want to be equal at work, and yes, we want to revel in our differences as people.  I think we just need to get used to where and how chivalry fits in our lives.

Chivalrous actions make me feel more feminine, which makes me feel stronger, which makes me more ‘me’, and that makes me a better leader.  Here’s hoping that it is not dead.

Ladies,
Is Chivalry dead or does it just need a bit of elective surgery?

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Thank you, Ms. Shriver!!

The other day, by chance, I saw a TV ad for the “Meet the Press” episode that would feature Maria Shriver in a segment called ‘Woman’s Nation’.  From that moment on, my phone and Internet lines have burned up with you asking me if I saw it and how I felt.

Well, let me tell you…  I love, love, love the attention to this movement [and Maria].  I bought my copy of the report, and I am going to read every word of it.  I will also go to every clip on all of the TV coverage to insure that I blog about the topics.

It’s one thing to bring up the topic and show us all these great findings.  [...thanks!!]  It’s another to take the discussion to the women in the workplace, right now.  We need to know how we are going to create our way in the world.  So, please forward this and the next posts to as many people as you can…  (Do I need to remind you that men are welcome in this Ladies Room?!)

Here’s what I love the most.  One of the first things I heard in the interview was  – - The war is over.  This is a negotiation between genders that is happening around dinner tables everywhere – -  [or somesuch quote very much like that].  I couldn’t agree more.  [remember my earlier post:  "War of Words"?  It was about the misuse of the words 'war' and 'battle'.]

It’s true.  Many of the things we would add to the culture of work are things that will benefit men, too.

I plan to create post after post after post from what is in the Shriver Report [in combination with all kinds of other resources].  Before I do, though, I want to hear from you.

Did you see any of the ‘Woman’s Nation’ coverage?  Have you noticed an uptake in our movement in the media?

Believe it or not, women will soon be 50% of the American workforce.    [Yes, we need to be paid more and we don't lead enough, but it's still pretty cool....]  What does this mean to you?  What will we do at this important and pivotal moment?

Ladies,
Let’s not be ‘50/50′ about becoming 50% of the workforce.  What will you do when we get there?

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All the single ladies… (thanks Beyonce!)

After last week’s post, I received emails, phone calls and, for those of you who know me, you told me that the post drove you to think about either ‘dating in the workplace’ and/or ’self esteem’.  Sounds like two posts to me…    Don’t you worry.  Thanks for the thoughts.  This week, dating…

Dating is one of my biggest dilemmas.  And, there are lots of us.  I sat at dinner on Tuesday with 2 of the most beautiful and successful women ever, and we were wondering, Where are all the men?

I’m 43 years old, and I have dated some of the most wonderful guys.  Not a ton of them, and not terribly often, unfortunately, but when I go on a date, it is someone great.  Now, you should know, I have also spent an awfully long time [read all of my 20's] with, absolutely, the wrong guy.  I enjoy my life.  I love my friends, I love to travel the world and I am really passionate about my work.  I feel very loved.  There are lots of us like this.

I don’t believe that loneliness is relegated only to the single.  I think you can be just as lonely if you are married.  I love Martha Beck’s quote, “Loneliness is proof that your innate search for connection is intact”.

She’s right.  I do have to say that if I had a magic wand, I would wave it and a really nice guy with a killer sense of humor and a love of adventure would appear, ready to start a family and excited to grow old with me.  exactly as I am.  exactly as he is.  I know he won’t be perfect, but he will care.  And life will be perfect enough.

If my life continues as it is, I wouldn’t be upset, however.  But, if I had a magic wand, I would conjure up a man.  There, I said it.

Well, it might just take a magic wand.  Dating can be a minefield [hard to resist the Pat Benatar reference...  Love, as it turns out, is truly a battlefield].

If we date at the office [your reference from last week's post] , we might risk our promotion [and you constrain your dinner table conversations to your industry!!]  Having said that, where else are we supposed to meet people?  I know a bunch of very happy people who have met each other online, and I am so intrigued.  I’ve only ever dabbled in that.

I know a few women [not that many, yet] who are dating younger men, despite the ‘Cougar’ label they earned from that decision [guess we've moved on a bit from worrying about being called a Gold digger - always a name for us, isn't there?!?].  I even know of women who have taken up hobbies, that men like, such as running, only to find out that they love the hobby and their new mate.

We have so many more options these days to date.  There are all kinds of online options, lunch date services, and social options in every city.  I was even invited to a ‘Swap Party’ where friends match their single friends with other people’s single friends.  Another girlfriend suggested buying a share of stock in a company/fund where you would like to attend the shareholder’s meeting.  I thought that one was fairly creative…

Then, why are so many of us still single?!  Are our standards too high?  Are we too intimidating?  Have we not used these technological solutions appropriately?  Am I not jogging enough?  [Well, that one is certain]

What can we do?

Ladies,
Can we come up with one single answer to our dating dilemma?

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Office romance or rotten relations?

Recently, an American talk show comedian, David Letterman, admitted to an office affair or two (after being blackmailed).

It made me think.

Now, let me get this straight…  I think sexual harassment still exists, and it is horrific when anyone feels that kind of pressure in order to get a promotion.  Or even to keep their job.

This is not what I am talking about.

When David Letterman opened up about his misdeeds, there was no rush from women who wanted to sue, and many said it was not our business.  Dating is not harassment, some said.  [I do hope that the hurt, for anyone involved in the scandal, was limited to broken hearts.]

For me, it reminded me of how prevalent the sexual harassment conversation used to be.  It wasn’t completely about sex at all.  It was about discrimination.  Men couldn’t tell a dirty joke [Some of them really are quite funny], no suggestive pictures could be on anyone’s desk [Seriously.  If you want to put a calendar with pics of Pamela Anderson up, you're just showing me who you are...] and some men even stopped with common courtesies in order not to offend [I do love a guy who shows a bit of chivalry].

Now, it seems as if we’ve all lightened up where we needed to.  And, to me, that is part of the reason that the ‘war’ is over.  We joke, we pick our own pictures to decorate our cubicle (within normal reason) and we are all able to be polite to each other, for the most part.

Though, true harassment is still horrific.

Ladies,
Are we being ‘real’ about office romance vs. rotten relationships these days?

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We like the social.  Do we like the media?

Back in the day, when I was the social chairman of my sorority, it was my job to give my Tri Delta sisters a social etiquette tip each week.  Picture me now.    Drop-waisted dress with a peter pan collar, white tights and patent leather flat shoes.  Yes, there was a giant bow in my hair.  Um, I wasn’t the only one!  [I'm sure there's a picture on facebook!!!]

There.  You have your ‘visual’ and I have a social tip for you all this week.

Online Social Networks are definitely worth our time.  I do understand you when you tell me that you don’t have even one more second in your day to add this to your life, but – I am here to tell you -  it might actually save you some time, give you access to the right people on your own time or even allow you to be two places at once, so to speak.

Here are a few reasons that I think you might want to try it [or take it to the next level].  I’m going to speak on the subject of how it could help you, personally.  [there are tons and tons of reasons it is good for your business, but that's for another blog]

Most of my executive clients know about LinkedIn.  (www.linkedin.com) It’s a place to post a description of you and it gives you a place to network professionally.  It’s free to do most of what you need, and it allows you to be ’seen’ by those in the working world on your own time.  There are groups to join, if you want to increase your expertise or network about specific topics, and it allows you access to people that you might never be able to find.  Women are not in all of the boardrooms, and we don’t all play golf, but we can find loads of connections with direct access here.

Facebook (www.facebook.com) feels, to some, very social.  It is said, by some of the same people, to be a waste of time.  I find it a time-saver, believe it or not.  I can communicate to my friends quickly and broadly in a number of different ways, and it even cleans out my work email inbox for all the notes that now go through Facebook.  I can find that hour that I want to get in touch with friends, and I can reach them in a variety of ways.  I can see photos, find people I haven’t seen in years, if I am in the mood, and I can just post ‘news feeds’ for all to see if I feel lazy.  Though it can be addictive, if you let it, it is also a way to make finding people in the right way at the right time very easy.  And, the best part is, I can do it as late as I need to, when I am sitting at Starbucks with my coffee, babysitting my nieces and nephews after bedtime or even on a train.  because it is also on my phone.

[PS:  Facebook is a great way to keep your entire, larger family updated on you, very easily!!]

Twitter (www.twitter.com) is a great way to deal with a lot of information at once.  This micro-blogging site, similar to short instant messages, is the least helpful to some, as it feels too ‘public’ or too ‘one-sided’ to others.  It’s a bit like your ‘water-cooler-conversations’, but bigger.  This one also goes to some phones, and it can be a great way to send a quick message to a number of people at the same time.

Then, there are internal corporate social networks, like Cubeless.  This is a great tool for us (men, too).  We have access to any level or title, regardless of our ability to play golf, and we can enter this on our own time as well.

One woman tells a great story about logging into her work site when her kids were asleep.  She jumped into an important conversation with high-level IT people who were setting up the strategy for a new Knowledge Management System, and there was a long ‘thread’ of discussion about how to decide and implement a policy for purging files from the new system over time.

Since the conversations on the internal social network are a bit less formal and a bit more inclusive than they would be if everyone was having the same conversation around a boardroom table [probably wearing suits], she typed up an idea based on how she threw out her kids toys as an analogy to the purging of files.  She described putting long abandoned toys into a box and putting them on the top shelf of a closet.  After months without a single request from her children, she knew these toys could be donated to charity.  From this nugget came the solution.

Wow, think about that.  This woman had access to superiors on a key project in her area, she felt comfortable being ‘real’, she was able to have this discussion on her own time and she was sitting there in her jeans!!

It used to be the men that took up all the newest gadgets.  Times are changing.  For women, if we use these solutions right, for us, we can save time, have more access and even help us integrate our work and life better. [What?  Less guilt?!]

Here’s a great snapshot of definitions to help you decide which of the social networks suit you, including some not described above [and I admit I did not write this myself]”

Facebook is a pub -
an informal place to talk casually with people from all aspects of your life [you choose who] and get to know these people on a more personal basis – increasingly more business is being discussed

LinkedIn is a trade show -
a slightly more formal place to meet other business professionals and connect with them primarily for business purposes

Twitter is a cocktail party -
an energetic place where there are many conversations going on at once – with a twist because of the amazing applications that allow you to see trending topics and reach many ‘followers’ with your message

YouTube is Times Square on New Year’s Eve -
a place where it’s hard to break through, but if you do, a lot of people will see you – more and more important to have your own channel

MySpace is like Woodstock -
wild, crazy and perfect for the younger generation or cause-oriented marketing

Hubspot is like the Stock Market -
it brings you the measurements of what your business online activities are doing for your business

IntroNetworks is like a Trade Show on steroids -
gets your groups and event participants interacting with each other before during and after the event

Cubeless [or another internal corporate social site] is like The Company Newsletter on steroids -
gets your employees interacting and collaborating with each other

I would rather see someone face-to-face, it’s true.  But, I’d rather ’see’ them online [including many I'd never have access to any other way], than not at all.  Oh, yeah, and use your real name.  It’s become important on most of these sites to be authentic.

Well, please contact me if you have any questions about social networks.  I have made it my business to meet people in these companies.  I will happily send you on to people who can answer your questions.  You can also friend me on facebook (pamteagarden), follow me on twitter (@pamteagarden) or connect with me on LinkedIn (Pam Tea

Ladies,
Could social media be our key to the boardroom and a key point in our work/life integration?

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We are all Wonder Women! (or, at least, I think so.)

I sat on a panel of amazingly intelligent, successful, funny and beautiful women and the title of our talk was “Wonder Women”.  The first question asked was “What makes you a Wonder Woman?”  Each and every one of us explained why we were, in fact, NOT a wonder woman.  Even after speaking about being a pioneer in an industry while juggling children and saving the Universe before dinner, each talented woman was sure that others were more like a wonder woman than she was.

If not these women, then who?!  [I have to say that I did appreciate the humility and the candor that each woman spoke of some very serious and difficult milestones that were met with compassionate confidence and incredible dignity.]

That got me thinking about Wonder Woman, the super-hero.  She was a fierce and imposing heroine who had considerable power without sacrificing her femininity (or should I be more honest and say sex appeal).

Yes, all of the women on the panel were, in fact, Wonder Women.  Due, in part, to the fact that they were humble, but certainly because they were all strong and beautiful.

There is another wonder woman I know, and she is an artist.  It is a privilege to call Linda Stein a friend.  She is so talented in her art, and I hope that each of you will stop to see her work, if you are ever in New York City.  She can be found at www.LindaStein.com.  Look her up!

As luck would have it, I got an email from Linda today.  She has a new video out called:
“Can Wonder Woman Cra-ac-ck Gender Stereotypes?” [Don't you love it?]

Linda writes:  How does Wonder Woman do it? She is able to stop the bad guys—even convince them to reform—without ever killing! Her gender-bending strength and power is matched only by her compassion in seeking peace and justice. The question, CAN WONDER WOMAN CRA-AC-CK GENDER STEREOTYPES? is paramount as this icon and superhero confronts the sexism prevalent at the time of her creation in 1941 as well as today.

Take a look at this 6 minute video…  It is a blog post in and of itself!  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-xMFvGSPH4

Wow, the business world could use some more wonder women…

Ladies,
Are you a Wonder Woman in your own journey?

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“If you educate a woman, you educate a nation.”,
said Deputy President, Phumzile Mlambo-Ngcuka at the 4th annual Women’s Parliament Conference.

I couldn’t agree more.

I just spent two days in a seaside cabin in Oregon, with a colleague, creating a presentation to use as we gain sponsorship for this blog.  We are speaking with several companies about giving us a small amount of seed money to create events, coaching and even to use your discussion points on this blog to write a book so that we can educate the nation as to what women need to succeed as leaders with men.  No battle, no war.  [but, I digress]

As my colleague and I gathered quotes, statistics and research to back our mission, we ran across that quote.  It is used as a plea to educate girls in societies around the world.  So that women can lead and help to grow their communities as leaders.

AND, I keep thinking.

We, in America, have been educating young girls for a long time.  My grandmother went to college, and when I started in my career [in the 80's], women were graduating in equal numbers, at least, to men.  I was promoted to manager, in the early 90’s, with 50% women in the mix of new candidates (the men in our promotion class stayed longer and became executive leaders in the organization).

So, what gives?  We’ve been educating women for a long time, and we still do not lead in our proportionate numbers.  That doesn’t seem to be enough.

Now what?

Ladies,
What else do we need, in addition to our current education, to lead our nation(s)?

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What if women had been in charge of banking?

If I’ve heard it once, I’ve heard it many times.  [from lots of women and from a few men]  “If women had been in charge of Wall Street, we wouldn’t be in this mess”.  Which is not all that far from the other one I hear – - “If women ruled the world, there would be no wars”.

Really?  Maybe.  Maybe not.

This statement is at the same time easy-to-make, since we weren’t there , and not-completely-true, since it’s absolute.

Let’s take banking.  The answer is that Wall Street might be better in some ways, but was the industry ready?  It takes two to tango.  The women and the industry.

So, why do we make such statements?  Do we really believe them?  Do we want to believe them?  Does it make us feel more motivated in our journey?  Or does it make us feel better in our lack of leadership?  Or both?

If we are thoughtful about the banking issue, we can be sure that women-run banks [or should I say banks run with stereotypically-female-characteristics in their organizational culture] might have been different, but the expectations of the banking industry might not have been.  The push to take risks, the motivation for outlandish returns would have still been a part of the expectations.  for a minute at least.

There is an article about how fewer women than men work in banks due to their hormones.  (http://www.economist.com/sciencetechnology/displaystory.cfm?story_id=14301951&fsrc=rss)
And, its conclusion assumes the risk-taking, profit-focused banking industry culture of the recent past.  So, the gist of the articles says two things:  It states that there are fewer women bankers because our hormones make us less likely to take the kind of risks that bankers take, and yet it also states that this past year would have been kind to those bankers who were more like women.

So, yes, Wall Street would have been different if women were leading banks, but the industry’s culture should change so that its expectations are different, before that can happen.  In the meantime, we will be offering our different skills in a place that doesn’t value them.  Lose – Lose.

What gives?  Do we wait for catastrophic events like this recession to happen before we address transition in various business sectors to value our contribution or do we look at what we bring and just start doing it until the expectations shift?

I think one of the problems in our movement toward leadership is ‘the middle bit’.  If there are new ways of leading people that we could bring to the corporate world, we aren’t bringing them because the sector is not in line with the results of our efforts.  Yet.  And, we’re stuck.

Ladies,
How do we handle our transition ‘in the meantime’?  Did Wall Street open a door?

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Are we pretty in pink?

One of the first comments one of you made in my Welcome post on this blog was “Glad [the blog is] not pink!”.  And, I have to say I did think about that when I chose the color.

But, I like pink.

A week or two ago, I attended a networking event for women, and they set out some recent articles printed in the local newspaper about us.  There was a Business Journal depicting, on the cover, the women who had won the ‘Women in Business’ awards.  Their black and white cover photo was framed in pink.  As the attendees picked up the paper, many of them asked each other “How does it make you feel that it’s pink?” [Ironically, a couple of the women who asked me that question were wearing pink blouses, jewelry, or glasses]

Yes, it is a color used in the advertising for the fight to end breast cancer.
Yes, it separates us from the men [though, didn't the 'Women in Business awards' already do that?]

My own, person journey with pink goes something like this – -

• When I was born, some nurse put a pink hat on me so my parents could find me in the nursery easier
• A bit later, as a young girl, I was just sure I would grow up and live in a place as beautiful as my Barbie dream house. [I haven't lived in a pink house, yet, but I do have a disco ball]
• At the age of 12, in search of my personal style, I bought my first pink Ralph Lauren Polo shirt. The lady at Sanger Harris, a department store, explained that pink was a color that brought out everyone’s skin tone really well.  [She was right.  I bought 3 different shades, and I wore them threadbare.]
• One of my favorite dresses that I can remember wearing to a high school dance was pink  [It was the taffeta material that I lament, now]
• After undergrad, for the first job interview I went on, I wore a navy suit with a white shirt and my paisley scarf was navy with pink accent in the shape of a silk rosette. [it was the 1980's]
• Last year, I walked in the Susan G. Komen 3-day walk to raise money for cancer, dressed from head-to-toe in the color.  [I even slept in a pink tent]
• Right this second, I am traveling, and I am looking at my bright, pink Longchamp carry-on.

I ask again.  What is the problem with pink?  It’s just a color.  Why all the uproar?

I don’t like red, but I don’t go around asking people how they feel about Coca Cola’s choice of the color in their ads.
Yes, pink represents childhood, but so does blue.  No one seems to have a problem with blue in business publications.
Maybe it feels a bit soft or silly, but where’s the harm in that?  In this recession, a pop of bright color could be great.

Or, maybe, it just brings attention to us.  separate from men. It shines a light on us, and makes people think just about our issues or the fact that a woman won that award.

In general, men and women desire many of the same things, though, specifically, there are a number of things that are different about women.

Stereotypically,
we are said to be more willing to collaborate.  At its worst, that slows down decision making, and at its best, it creates more buy-in.
we are said to be better at relationships.  At its worst, that keeps our networks small, and at its best, it fosters greater trust and loyalty.
we are said to dislike being disliked.  At its worst, that keeps us being people pleasers, and at its best, it means we are going to try to find consensus.

So, we are singled out in the color pink.  At its worst, it makes us different, and at its best, we are noticed because it makes us different.

Shouldn’t we be using everything that makes us stand out and be noticed as a tool.  I think the sterile workplaces could use a bit of color; pink being just one of them?

And, I never said it had to be bubble-gum pink.

Ladies,
Should we be thinking pink or does that make you red in the face?

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Is our doctor in?

In America, we are currently debating changes in our health care system. Now, while you may think this doesn’t apply to you in other countries, there are still some things you might think about:

For all of us [in lots of countries], women, at least, need to take a look at ‘who is in charge’. We may not play [enough of] a part in the leadership of your national system. If we aren’t represented in leadership there, we surely can’t expect that medical research will have our priorities in mind.

This is a place where we can actually see what opportunities would exist if we were able to participate in our proportionate numbers. We aren’t completely ignored, but we certainly aren’t speaking for ourselves in great numbers.

In America, though, there is more. Our current system is up for discussion.

Again, I have never intended that this blog bring out the political part of the discussion, so I am going to try my darn-level-best to keep my views to myself.

Given that we don’t have the appropriate representation in leadership, it is vitally important [read: life or death consequences!!] for us to advocate the plan that we feel covers us well. Especially with all of the stress that this recession has brought us, we need to remember that, after all is said and done – -

“All we have is our health”.

Do we have the coverage that we need?

So, in the spirit of this blog, I looked and looked for statistics and expert medical opinions that were not [too] political. I think it’s so important that we know enough to make an informed decision.

According to a blog post by Linda Brodsky, MD, called Gender Profiling Hurts our National Health Care (http://www.womensenews.org/article.cfm?aid=4116)

[and with my corroboration of many of her statistics with The Center for Policy Analysis], I humbly offer you some facts to consider:

Many policies have no maternity benefits [really?!? And yet, some of those same policies do offer coverage for birth control!!!] or consider prior C-sections as pre-existing conditions. [really.]

Gender profiling in most states [40, according to the Center for Policy Analysis] is legal and leads to higher premiums for females [Seriously. We make less and we get higher premiums?!?].

Fifty-six percent of women rely on a prescription drug on a regular basis, compared to 42% of men.

One in four women report that they have been diagnosed with depression or anxiety [hmm, possibly over lack of healthcare?], over twice the rate for men. More women than men suffer from chronic conditions, such as diabetes, asthma, or hypertension, which require ongoing care

Women are more likely than men to be underinsured or have inadequate health insurance coverage.

Women [per the Center for Policy Analysis] are more likely than men to receive employer-sponsored health insurance coverage as a dependent, placing them in a vulnerable position should they become widowed or divorced. Only 38% of American women have job-based coverage in their own name, nearly one-quarter of all women depend on coverage through their husband’s employment. Recent years have seen an overall decline in health insurance coverage for women.

So, here we sit. Moving toward leadership, yet still under-represented at a critical moment. Please, please, for the sake of your family, your job, and your own sanity, consider your options.

Then, call your representatives to speak for you.

Ladies,
Have put enough care into our own health care decisions?

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